Just ask Amy how her lack of laughing doesn't stop me from continuing to enjoy reading all the great puns my dad emails to me aloud. So now you get to be in on the fun too! (and btw I'm blogging this from Poland! Yippee!)
A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN REWORD
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
What's the definition of a will? (Come on, It's a dead giveaway!)
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
The poor guy fell into a glass grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.
aahahahhahahhahahahahahahhahahahahaaaa... :)
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
Friday, December 17, 2004
Quotes to Live By
Some of the best insight into life can be expressed most effectively not by thinking of your own words, but by using others’. Here are some examples:
Manny: “Sid, the tiger found a short cut.”
(Sid looks up to see a small opening at the bottom of huge cliffs of ice)
Sid: “No thanks, I choose LIFE.”
(Ice Age)
******************************
Will: “Jack! Where’s Elizabeth?”
Jack: “Don’t worry, she’s safe just like I promised, she’s set to marry Norrington just like she promised, and you get to die for her just like you promised. So we’re all men of our words really, except for Elizabeth, who is, in fact, a woman.”
(Pirates of the Caribbean)
******************************
“Un-believable.” –Handsome Rob (Italian Job)
*****************************
“Ahhhh, MENSCH!” –my German Grandma, Marion’s mom (when playing Phase 10 and she draws a card she doesn’t like) (the equivalent of "Ahh MAN!" in English)
******************************
“The vi-o-lin siings, with joy-ful riings…”
“The clarinet, the clarinet, goes dood-l-y-dood-l-y dood-l-y dood-l-y det…”
“The horn, the horn, it sounds so for-lorn…”
(You’ve Got Mail)
*****************************
"Albuquerque! Snorkel! See I can do it too..." -funny sidekick whose name I can't remember(National Treasure)
*****************************
“You are allowed to show your pleasure.” –the old rich guy after proposing (Shakespeare in Love)
******************************
Commodor Norrington: “You are by far the WORST pirate I’ve ever heard of.”
Jack: “Aah, but you HAVE heard of me.”
(Pirates of the Caribbean)
*******************************
“You know why they don’t have to have major security checks when you leave an airport? Because if they guard what goes IN they don’t have to worry about what comes OUT.” –Larry Sullivan (sermon about watching what you put in your mind and heart)
*******************************
“You judge very properly,” said Mr. Bennet, “and it is happy for you that you possess the talent of flattering with delicacy. May I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are the result of previous study?” Mr. Collins replied, “They arise chiefly from what is passing at the time, and though I sometimes amuse myself with suggesting and arranging such little elegant compliments as may be adapted to ordinary occasions, I always wish to give them as unstudied an air as possible.” Mr. Bennets’s expectations were fully answered. His cousin was as absurd as he had hoped, and he listened to him with the keenest enjoyment, maintaining at the same time the most resolute composure of countenance, and expect in an occasional glance at Elizabeth, requiring no partner in his pleasure.” (Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austin)
************************************
“And then they made me their chief.” –Jack (Pirates of the Caribbean)
************************************
Visini: “Inconceivable!”
Inego: “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
(Princess Bride)
************************************
Chandler: “heh heh…Whaa-pahh!”
Ross: “What was that?”
Chandler: “Y’know, whipped. Whaa-pahhhh!”
Joey: “That’s not whipped. Whipped is whu-psssh!”
Chandler: “That’s what I did, whaaa-pahh!”
Joey: “You can’t do anything-!”
(Friends)
**********************************
1"When Jesus saw his ministry drawing huge crowds, he climbed a hillside. Those who were apprenticed to him, the committed, climbed with him. Arriving at a quiet place, he sat down 2and taught his climbing companions. This is what he said:
3"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.
4"You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
5"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are--no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.
6"You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.
7"You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being "carefull,' you find yourselves cared for.
8"You're blessed when you get your inside world--your mind and heart--put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.
9"You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.
10"You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.
11"Not only that--count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. 12You can be glad when that happens--give a cheer, even!-for though they don't like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble."
-Matthew 5 (MSG)
*********************************
“And then you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest wiiiith! …a HERRING! [scary music]” –Knight who until recently said “Ni” (Monty Python’s Search for the Holy Grail)
******************************
“All right, you have fat hair. But when you’re ready to talk, I’m right here.” –Sid (Ice Age)
Manny: “Sid, the tiger found a short cut.”
(Sid looks up to see a small opening at the bottom of huge cliffs of ice)
Sid: “No thanks, I choose LIFE.”
(Ice Age)
******************************
Will: “Jack! Where’s Elizabeth?”
Jack: “Don’t worry, she’s safe just like I promised, she’s set to marry Norrington just like she promised, and you get to die for her just like you promised. So we’re all men of our words really, except for Elizabeth, who is, in fact, a woman.”
(Pirates of the Caribbean)
******************************
“Un-believable.” –Handsome Rob (Italian Job)
*****************************
“Ahhhh, MENSCH!” –my German Grandma, Marion’s mom (when playing Phase 10 and she draws a card she doesn’t like) (the equivalent of "Ahh MAN!" in English)
******************************
“The vi-o-lin siings, with joy-ful riings…”
“The clarinet, the clarinet, goes dood-l-y-dood-l-y dood-l-y dood-l-y det…”
“The horn, the horn, it sounds so for-lorn…”
(You’ve Got Mail)
*****************************
"Albuquerque! Snorkel! See I can do it too..." -funny sidekick whose name I can't remember(National Treasure)
*****************************
“You are allowed to show your pleasure.” –the old rich guy after proposing (Shakespeare in Love)
******************************
Commodor Norrington: “You are by far the WORST pirate I’ve ever heard of.”
Jack: “Aah, but you HAVE heard of me.”
(Pirates of the Caribbean)
*******************************
“You know why they don’t have to have major security checks when you leave an airport? Because if they guard what goes IN they don’t have to worry about what comes OUT.” –Larry Sullivan (sermon about watching what you put in your mind and heart)
*******************************
“You judge very properly,” said Mr. Bennet, “and it is happy for you that you possess the talent of flattering with delicacy. May I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are the result of previous study?” Mr. Collins replied, “They arise chiefly from what is passing at the time, and though I sometimes amuse myself with suggesting and arranging such little elegant compliments as may be adapted to ordinary occasions, I always wish to give them as unstudied an air as possible.” Mr. Bennets’s expectations were fully answered. His cousin was as absurd as he had hoped, and he listened to him with the keenest enjoyment, maintaining at the same time the most resolute composure of countenance, and expect in an occasional glance at Elizabeth, requiring no partner in his pleasure.” (Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austin)
************************************
“And then they made me their chief.” –Jack (Pirates of the Caribbean)
************************************
Visini: “Inconceivable!”
Inego: “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
(Princess Bride)
************************************
Chandler: “heh heh…Whaa-pahh!”
Ross: “What was that?”
Chandler: “Y’know, whipped. Whaa-pahhhh!”
Joey: “That’s not whipped. Whipped is whu-psssh!”
Chandler: “That’s what I did, whaaa-pahh!”
Joey: “You can’t do anything-!”
(Friends)
**********************************
1"When Jesus saw his ministry drawing huge crowds, he climbed a hillside. Those who were apprenticed to him, the committed, climbed with him. Arriving at a quiet place, he sat down 2and taught his climbing companions. This is what he said:
3"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.
4"You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
5"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are--no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.
6"You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.
7"You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being "carefull,' you find yourselves cared for.
8"You're blessed when you get your inside world--your mind and heart--put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.
9"You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.
10"You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.
11"Not only that--count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. 12You can be glad when that happens--give a cheer, even!-for though they don't like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble."
-Matthew 5 (MSG)
*********************************
“And then you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest wiiiith! …a HERRING! [scary music]” –Knight who until recently said “Ni” (Monty Python’s Search for the Holy Grail)
******************************
“All right, you have fat hair. But when you’re ready to talk, I’m right here.” –Sid (Ice Age)
Saturday, December 4, 2004
I Got a Visa! (And I Don't Mean a Credit Card)
"So then you are no longer strangers and aliens..." -Ephesians 2:19a
Well it's official, I'm allowed to live here in Germany until October 28, 2005! It all began sometime at the beginning of October when the rush of Amy's 3 month grace period ending was felt full force and we found ourselves (with Randy, thankfully) sitting in an overpacked hallway waiting for our previously taken number to come up. I was only picking up the ever-important application form…the first step in this long progression toward my visa. I picked it up and waited for about 30 more minutes until Amy successfully dropped off her completed application—step one done.
Step two meant actually filling out the application which is more tricky than it sounds. The nice german government translated each field into a number of other languages but unfortunately the english one didn’t always clear up the confusion. Direct translation doesn’t always work.
Before it was my turn to drop it off I had to go to another office and get an official residence form…a government approved form saying that I officially live at Goetheallee 19. Don’t want to only be pretending to live there or something! A few days after I got this form done we went to finally drop it off. Thirty minutes after arriving and taking a number I went into the office, showed my passport, Randy answered a few questions (not to mention cleaned a pen spot off the counter while we waited…he SPIT on it…the lady gave him the WEIRDEST look-!) and I got a receipt. I should look for it in the mail within 2-3 weeks.
So then the official form came in the mail saying I could take my passport and some money and receive my beloved visa…so a week later stood Randy and I in the same hallway we had become so accustomed to, waiting for my number to come up. It did, so I went in, sat down, showed all the correct paperwork and my passport, signed something official, and tra-la, it was done!
So the moral of the story is that I indeed did finally get a couple official looking stickers stuck into my passport in case anyone official needs to know. My next challenge will be figuring out what all those German words mean on the "conditions" side of the visa...words like Erwerbstaetigkeit and Arbeitsgenehmigungspflichtige... and yes for those of you who are counting that last one is 29 letters long (longer than the whole alphabet itself). Can’t wait until October 2005 when this whole process starts over…
Well it's official, I'm allowed to live here in Germany until October 28, 2005! It all began sometime at the beginning of October when the rush of Amy's 3 month grace period ending was felt full force and we found ourselves (with Randy, thankfully) sitting in an overpacked hallway waiting for our previously taken number to come up. I was only picking up the ever-important application form…the first step in this long progression toward my visa. I picked it up and waited for about 30 more minutes until Amy successfully dropped off her completed application—step one done.
Step two meant actually filling out the application which is more tricky than it sounds. The nice german government translated each field into a number of other languages but unfortunately the english one didn’t always clear up the confusion. Direct translation doesn’t always work.
Before it was my turn to drop it off I had to go to another office and get an official residence form…a government approved form saying that I officially live at Goetheallee 19. Don’t want to only be pretending to live there or something! A few days after I got this form done we went to finally drop it off. Thirty minutes after arriving and taking a number I went into the office, showed my passport, Randy answered a few questions (not to mention cleaned a pen spot off the counter while we waited…he SPIT on it…the lady gave him the WEIRDEST look-!) and I got a receipt. I should look for it in the mail within 2-3 weeks.
So then the official form came in the mail saying I could take my passport and some money and receive my beloved visa…so a week later stood Randy and I in the same hallway we had become so accustomed to, waiting for my number to come up. It did, so I went in, sat down, showed all the correct paperwork and my passport, signed something official, and tra-la, it was done!
So the moral of the story is that I indeed did finally get a couple official looking stickers stuck into my passport in case anyone official needs to know. My next challenge will be figuring out what all those German words mean on the "conditions" side of the visa...words like Erwerbstaetigkeit and Arbeitsgenehmigungspflichtige... and yes for those of you who are counting that last one is 29 letters long (longer than the whole alphabet itself). Can’t wait until October 2005 when this whole process starts over…
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