The Joys of Germany

Y’know what’s really fun in a foreign country? Inserting your ATM card into an ATM machine and then not only getting no money out of it, but no card back either. And THEN to call your trusty American bank only to hear that someone had reported it stolen and all you can do is wait a few weeks until the new card arrives, and then a few more days when its PIN follows. The only sense that can be made out of this silliness is that when I called the bank last week to confirm my change of address (after 6 months, whoops) the lady must have thought I said “stolen” instead of “Germany” or “lost” instead of its homonym “new address.” Sheesh.

But anyway, despite this total lack of access to my money here is the second installment of what’s so different about this land of Germany. These ones require a bit more explanation…!

Food/Grocery Stores
15. Grocery carts here don’t just have two wheels that swivel for steering purposes, all four wheels are capable of 360 degree movement. This makes for major fun and easy maneuvering, well until you have a full cart and some speed (which means huge inertia) and need to swerve around a tight corner…you have to throw your whole body into it if there’s any hope of not smashing into everyone within 5 meters.
16. If you’d like to pack your newly bought goodies into anything besides your arms, be prepared to add a few extra cents to your bill. Germans are a highly recycling people, and there are many rewards to reusing the bags you bought last time (well, you don’t have to pay for new ones).
17. So once you’ve remembered to bring your own grocery bags, don’t expect the nice lady ringing up your bill to set anything into them, that’s your job in Germany. It’s because of this fact that I recommend using the buddy system and never shopping alone unless you have less than 5 items. It is no less than impossible to keep up with the practiced-to-perfection pace of the cashier, which quickly becomes frantic if you haven’t been mentally preparing since entering the store.
18. Cheddar, mozzarella, marble…these are the three main types of cheese I’d expect to find in any North American grocery store. It’s hard to come by any of these here, but instead you can find about 500 other types of cheese. Cheese that goes with white or red wine, cheese from Switzerland or Denmark, cheese from goats or sheep, stinky cheese, cheese that tastes like rotting dirt (I know that one from experience)…it can be quite overwhelming.
19. There are two places to find milk in a German grocery store, in the refrigerated section, or on a regular shelf. Apparently the stuff on the shelf is pasteurized and lasts for weeks before it’s opened compared to it’s cooler counterpart—that stuff is fresh milk. I haven’t noticed a huge taste difference but I just can’t get past buying milk off of a shelf…
20. Apples? Tomatoes? If it’s in the open produce section you are required to weigh and price your own. It’s especially fun to be searching for the exact picture of your veggies on the scale while a line of impatient shoppers grows behind you (and somehow causes me to be slower).
21. I’ve been drinking bottled water lately but it’s tricky to find in the drink aisle because it’s surrounded by millions of bottles of sparkling water. If it says “still” on the bottle, don’t be fooled, that just means it has less “gas” in it. And surprisingly, many restaurants and stores don’t even carry plain, noncarbonated water!
22. Be careful what drinks you do buy because some bottles have a refund on them. That means you will pay extra for them when you buy them and be reimbursed only when you return the bottle. It isn’t such a big deal until a pile of 20-1.5L bottles accumulates in your kitchen and you finally decide to cash them in. Lugging them back to the store you bought them from is a delightful experience, especially when you happened to have picked them up at different places-!
23. The largest size of soft drink bottle is 1.5 liters. 2L bottles are non-existant.

What’s That Called…?
24. Cell phones are phone booths here. That small phone in your pocket is a “handy.” When I write you a text message, Europeans call it an “SMS.”
25. For you Diet Coke fans, keep in mind that you’ll have to order a “Coke light.”
26. A bathroom here literally has a bath in it. If you want a toilet, ask for it by name (or if you still can’t bring yourself to do that, “WC” is also accepted).
Can you think of any more?

Stay tuned for differences with driving and bathrooms coming soon…