Not Needing to Know It All

Magic 8-Ball 

By Katharine Burley

I was one of those kids in school, waving her hand in the air to be called on because then everyone would know that I knew the answer. I wanted others to know that I was smart.

Then I became a mama.

These days, I find myself wishing no one expected me to know anything - that the name change from "Katie" to "Mama" didn't bring with it the assumption that I know how to be a parent.

Because a lot of the time I don't know why my baby’s crying. I don't know where that rash came from. I don't know what's making her wake up in the middle of the night. I don't know how to convince my 2-year-old that it's okay to share toys (or AIR) with other kids. I just don't know.

"He knows me, my heart,

my life, faith and thoughts." 

I make educated guesses. I employ a trial-and-error strategy. I go by instinct. I ask questions.

Most of the time I'm feeling around in the dark, praying I don't screw anything up too badly; that my kids can rebound from whatever mistake I’m making; that good intentions and love can overcome my parental infractions.

While I long to shed the expectation that Mama Knows All, I take heart that I have a Father who does. He knows me, my heart, my life, faith and thoughts. He knows my husband and daughters, my friends and family.

So I might not wave my hand around anymore, hoping to be called on for an answer. I know that nothing I can do will change His answers.

Dear God, help me to realize I don't need to know everything when I know the one who knows everything I need.

from my MOPS email, June 7, 2010