I'm sure at one time different areas/cultures had very clearcut ways of greeting each other. People knew what to expect and noone thought twice about it. Situations like meeting an acquaintance on the street unexpectedly, arriving at a party, entering a store, walking into the waiting room at the doctor's office or visiting someone's home all had (and for the most part actually still have) widely understood ways of acceptably "entering." But for my purposes here, I will be talking about the first moments of coming into contact with a friend, usually in such cases as meeting out for coffee or lunch. I am still so confused about how to act in this situation!
So here's the context: traditionally in Germany people shake hands upon meeting. Even really good friends use this formal, business-seeming greeting, but it is also sometimes accompanied with closer contact such as back patting, shoulder embracing, or even cheek-to-cheek contact. I've noticed that many 25-and-under girls greet each other cheek-to-cheek, sometimes with a handshake, sometimes without. Younger generation (also about 35-and-under) guys tend to still shake hands. Older women and men will inevitably shake hands and nothing more but in general it is losing popularity with the younger generation.
Why do I say all this? Because it brings me to my dillemma: when I meet my German, borderline younger generation (25-35 years old) friends for coffee or lunch I have a moment of panic as to how to greet them-! Well actually, since I now have Caitlin with me and tend to be more distracted it usually happens that I don't think about the greeting until it awkwardly occurs. And this doesn't even begin to deal with meeting Americans--the lack of "greeting" throws me through a loop too!
Ok ok, this isn't really that big of a deal, but I'd sure like to get to the bottom of it once and for all. Sheesh!
So it seems to make a difference who has arrived first at the designated meeting location; I would say that the "arriver" leads the situation more than the "arrivee." Unfortunately I am generally the "arriver" and therefore the ball is suddenly shoved into my court and I find myself totally unprepared. Hand shake? (older generation, guys, more formal); Shoulder touch? (closer friends); Leaning? Cheek contact? (very close friends); Hug? Just a smile and a "Hi!"? (Americans); not to mention any combination of the above. Imagine my general hesitation when I stick out my hand for the handshake (safest option) and the other person comes in for an all-out hug-! Talk about feeling "too formal." Or when they take my hand and suddenly lean forward for cheek-to-cheek contact, shocking me to a response of leaning in as well (and the whole time pretending like it was the most natural thing in the world...)...there's just too many possibilities and it's impossible to know what to expect!
I think maybe I just need to have "my" way of greeting others and then when I happen upon a friend then I will just naturally know how to greet them and they can be the ones left in the dark as they follow my lead. But shoot, it's been three years in Germany and I haven't figured this out YET?!? (it really seems like it should be "figure out-able"!)
Hmmmmm....
4 comments:
Hey Alli! Ha! When I ponder my greeting I usually greet my good friends with the "heart-to-heart" hug that I'm becoming known for. Usually I initiate it but the odd time they remember more than I do and they initiate it!
I enjoyed reading your article - your dilemma and the way you communicated it made me chuckle.
Much Love!
Well, I can definitely relate to this dilemma, especially when it comes to cross-cultural hug-adjusting. In Chemnitz, quite a few people greet each other with hugs, so that's what I'm used to as far as church culture is concerned. So when we're in the US and people in the church don't greet each other with hugs, I always get a little sad. I'm going to miss that about Chemnitz a lot!
Wow! I've never thought about it... I just greet the way I am feeling at the moment.
Usually I don't like the "shake-hands-stuff, because it's so formal. I only do it when I meet somebody I don't know or don't know so well (the german differentiation of "Du" and "Sie" helps a lot with that).
My friends (or church members) have to tolerate that I mostly hug them! :-))) But sometimes I don't want so much "intimacy" (= don't feel good about "hugging" or "cheeking" - that's a new word! haha) and so I try to put my best and brightest smile on my face and just say "Hiiiiii".
And sometimes I am REALLY happy to see somebody, so I kind of "run into her/him", jumping-huging-cheeking-whatever-comes... (remember Friday afternoon in Gemuenden, when I saw you - trying not to bruise Caitlin who was in your arms?!?)
you probably have to find the way you are most comfortable with and go along with it, but this is only said by an unknowing girl from Germany who doesn't know the "rules of greeting" in Canada/USA ;-)
Yeah, it is weird. Lately, I've fallen into a crowd of cheek kissers (both) here in Germany, which I had not encountered before. I shook hands and got pulled into a kiss on each cheek before I knew what was happening. This happened a few times and then at my birthday party I was ready--I initiated the kisses, Ha! I'd say it goes with who it is. In Germany, try the hand shake but be ready for something different. Then, when you've done one thing with someone one time--you know next time....so then you just need a "Greeting Rolodex"...
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