...If only I had the answer to this question!
I'm sure at one time different areas/cultures had very clearcut ways of greeting each other. People knew what to expect and noone thought twice about it. Situations like meeting an acquaintance on the street unexpectedly, arriving at a party, entering a store, walking into the waiting room at the doctor's office or visiting someone's home all had (and for the most part actually still have) widely understood ways of acceptably "entering." But for my purposes here, I will be talking about the first moments of coming into contact with a friend, usually in such cases as meeting out for coffee or lunch. I am still so confused about how to act in this situation!
So here's the context: traditionally in Germany people shake hands upon meeting. Even really good friends use this formal, business-seeming greeting, but it is also sometimes accompanied with closer contact such as back patting, shoulder embracing, or even cheek-to-cheek contact. I've noticed that many 25-and-under girls greet each other cheek-to-cheek, sometimes with a handshake, sometimes without. Younger generation (also about 35-and-under) guys tend to still shake hands. Older women and men will inevitably shake hands and nothing more but in general it is losing popularity with the younger generation.
Why do I say all this? Because it brings me to my dillemma: when I meet my German, borderline younger generation (25-35 years old) friends for coffee or lunch I have a moment of panic as to how to greet them-! Well actually, since I now have Caitlin with me and tend to be more distracted it usually happens that I don't think about the greeting until it awkwardly occurs. And this doesn't even begin to deal with meeting Americans--the lack of "greeting" throws me through a loop too!
Ok ok, this isn't really
that big of a deal, but I'd sure like to get to the bottom of it once and for all. Sheesh!
So it seems to make a difference who has arrived first at the designated meeting location; I would say that the "arriver" leads the situation more than the "arrivee." Unfortunately I am generally the "arriver" and therefore the ball is suddenly shoved into my court and I find myself totally unprepared. Hand shake? (older generation, guys, more formal); Shoulder touch? (closer friends); Leaning? Cheek contact? (very close friends); Hug? Just a smile and a "Hi!"? (Americans); not to mention any combination of the above. Imagine my general hesitation when I stick out my hand for the handshake (safest option) and the other person comes in for an all-out hug-! Talk about feeling "too formal." Or when they take my hand and suddenly lean forward for cheek-to-cheek contact, shocking me to a response of leaning in as well (and the whole time pretending like it was the most natural thing in the world...)...there's just too many possibilities and it's impossible to know what to expect!
I think maybe I just need to have "my" way of greeting others and then when I happen upon a friend then I will just naturally know how to greet them and
they can be the ones left in the dark as they follow
my lead. But shoot, it's been three years in Germany and I haven't figured this out YET?!? (it really seems like it should be "figure out-able"!)
Hmmmmm....
